THE ADOLESCENT BRAIN
The child you once knew, who was interested in your descriptions of how the world works and loved your explanations of things past and present, who was courteous, confident, friendly and fascinated by the things you showed them, is gone.
Who is this new person who seems distant, different and hard to know? What can you do to get your them to go back to being your loving child? How did this happen?
The answer is that your child, if they have entered into puberty, is no longer a child (although they will always be YOUR child). Your child is now an adolescent. This is the stage of development, which spans roughly from the onset of puberty (age 12ish and often earlier) through the age of 18. This stage of development can be split into two substages, from 12-15 and 15-18. It is a stage of development that includes rapid growth, dramatic changes and more than a little vulnerability. It is also a time of identity formation, a challenging time when the brain changes from cognitive mode (in the prefrontal cortex) to emotional mode (in the amygdala); when neurons (the brain’s nerve cells) slow their exponential growth and start to prune and mylenize. This will eventually improve the efficiency of information processing, and help the prefrontal cortex be better at connecting to other parts of the brain. However, this process takes time and the growth is uneven and sporadic.
According to a 2021 study by UCSF Researchers Shawn Sorrells and Arturo Alvarez-Buylla, the at the same time that the cognitive brain is slowing down to do some Marie Kondo style tidying up, the emotional part of the brain is ramping up. “During childhood and adolescence – long after most of the rest of the human brain is finished growing – the amygdala continues to expand by as many as two million neurons, a late growth spurt that researchers believe is likely to play a key role in human emotional development” Link to UCSF Study by N. Weiler. This leads to a somewhat bumpy road for some adolescents and of course, their parents as well. The mood swings, and often early childhood-like behavior is a function of this brain development and can be as frightening and inexplicable to the young teen or pre-teenager as it is to you. Combine this with a dip in executive function, an increase in self-consciousness and a lot of changes in one’s own body and we can have a dramatic storm of behaviors, attitudes and emotions.
So what’s a parent (or caregiver) to do? Stay tuned for more details, but it all boils down to this…hold on (not too tightly) and enjoy the ride. This is not a time for panic. Take comfort in the fact that this is natural human development and has been happening for umpteen millenia. This is also something that we, as adults, have experienced and may remember ourselves (unlike the parallel rapid growth we did from birth to three). We can help our teens and pre-teens by offering information or access to information about their own bodies (including their brain development). We can share our own stories (but don’t expect an immediate and friendly response) and we can reassure our adolescents that this upside-down roller coaster ride of feelings is a temporary and necessary stepping stone to adulthood. This is time for grandparents, aunts and uncles, trusted family friends (think godparents) or other adults who have love, a bit of distance and perspective to get more involved. It is a time when creative and physical self expression, access to nature and periods of solitude and reflection can have a calming effect.
Your adolescent needs you and is looking at you (albeit sideways) to show reassurance and confidence in their ability to weather the storm. You need to build your own network of support and then be there for your young person until the butterfly emerges from the cocoon. Yes, your loving child is gone, but see the hope and promise of the amazing emergent adult that your adolescent is about to become. Believe in them even when they do not believe in themselves. And then, help your adolescent to see and believe in that amazing person too.