Parenting – Child of Nurture

When we ask our students, especially upper elementary and middle school students, “Who is your biggest inspiration?” The majority of them answer with one of their parents or their grandparents. You may not know it, but you are most likely, your child’s biggest inspiration. This may be daunting news to you but you are your children’s inspirational leader.

As parents we are fed a steady diet of idealized family life on television and social media, with families, traditional and otherwise, living idealized lives and seemingly spending hours of family time in their palatial homes engaging in snappy dialogue. Although the responsibilities and dramas in these perfectly curated scenarios may vary, these vignettes rarely inspire us in the way that real life people do. Social media, TV and movies are distortions of our reality, and to compare ourselves unfavorably to this false reality is a cruel temptation that we need to resist.

So who are YOUR real inspirations? Parents have very little time to think about this. Most of you are busy trying to pay bills, put food on the table and maybe even save a bit for college for your children. As parents, this takes up most of your waking hours. Some of you are still in school yourselves, balancing home, school and job(s). The temptation to feel guilty is one that I would urge you to resist. Your struggles, your busy schedule, your struggles, ARE the inspiration your child will later understand and appreciate.

What is it that we do to inspire our children to greatness? Let’s look at what serves to keep us going. We may inspire ourselves with great leadership, books, and performances. We might have a faith community, a philosophical leader or an ethical tradition. Maybe we are working to further the dreams and aspirations of our own extended families. We need to share these inspirations with our children, openly, enthusiastically, and without reservation. Who do you admire? Perhaps you have a favorite sports icon, a historical hero or a pioneer in your field of work or hobby. Perhaps you gained your inspiration from your own parents or grandparents. What makes that person or tradition an inspiration for you? Perhaps you are working to overcome your own negative experiences as a child. Sharing these inspirations with your dependents will inspire them to be independent.

In the 20th century hit by Ella Fitzgerald, Summertime, new parents sing to their baby, “One of these mornings, you’re gonna rise up singing. You’re going to spread your wings and you’ll take to the sky. But ’til that morning, there’s nothing can harm you, with momma and daddy standing by.”

As bittersweet as that morning will be, your fledglings need to see you flying so that they will know how. We need to share our flights, our struggles and our perseverance with our children so they will fly high when the time comes.

Authentic engagement is something that all teachers strive for with their students. This can be difficult, even with students who are not experiencing significant headwinds (i.e. too tired, worried, or otherwise unable to access their full potential due to circumstances beyond their, or our control). Most of us “got through” our school day and did as we were told, That meant completing tasks that were done out of context and with no sense of relevancy. I memorized the quadratic equation, figured out which axis was the “y” and learned the dates of the Battle of Hastings but was not quite sure what any of this had to do with life or solving any real problems.

Granted, some things just have to get learned (i.e., times tables and spelling rules – “I before E except after C” is a good thing to know). However, it was not until college that I discovered that if I knew enough math, I could explore the world of aerospace or that our English language represents the mixture of Germanic and Latin languages and that this is important to know in order to understand our art, culture and politics.

Montessori challenges us to think of learning in a different way. We want our students to be purveyors of mastery and to see themselves as scientists, artists, mathematicians and writers. The Early Elementary classroom students gather for a writing lesson and their teacher sends them out with the message that, as writers, they can capture their own reality, or make up a new one, and communicate that reality to others. As scientists and engineers, the students build weight bearing structures, discover which solutions can crystallize or which plants need less light and water. As mathematicians the Upper Elementary students solve the complex problems of the week and then share and compare their methods, which may or may not be the same. Adolescents grapple with real world social problems from grappling with global warming to greening up food desserts. In their work, science and math have relvance while the humanities help them to gain perspective and express their hopes, desires and aspirations.

In all of this the teacher is the coach, not imparting knowledge but providing and guiding experience. The role of the Montessori teacher is to set up the environment and encourage the child to explore. These children spend years doing this and in the process draw conclusions about their world (and themselves) based on their own evidence. The science fairs, portfolio presentations, and writing and math journals are evidence of the students’ learning and provide an authentic way to assess student progress.

How can parents help in this process? It IS difficult without textbooks, worksheets or assigned homework to even know what your student is doing. The best way to help is to provide your child with experiences that give real life context to their growing skills. Can your child read a recipe, measure a shelf and put paper on it that fits? Can he or she triple the recipe, determine the mileage of your car on a road trip, determine how much something will cost if it is 15% off? Do they know the names of the clouds, or in which direction the sun sets, the phases of the moon or the names and roles of their local legislators? Can they tell you how sound travels and how it differs from light? These are the types of “story problems” that need skills AND critical thinking. These are the important things that can be reviewed and revised at home.

The biggest and best contribution you can make for your child’s learning is to get them out into the world, the real world. A walk in the woods, a trip to the beach or lake, listening to music together, running errands (where they have some responsibility) an experience in the city or historic site, attendance at a cultural event – these are important to expanding your child’s sense of wonder and engagement with the world. Sharing the things you love, your values and your own childhood memories is the best thing you can do to help your child’s teacher work with engaged, interested and motivated learners. Consider using this next week to explore the real world with your child or adolescent.

Tag: Parenting

Inspiring Our Children

Student Engagement: Motivating Students toward Real World Success